Skinny Is in the Eye of the Beholder

Beauty is about perception, not about make-up. I think the beginning of all beauty is knowing and liking oneself. You can't put on make-up, or dress yourself, or do you hair with any sort of fun or joy if you're doing it from a position of correction. Kevyn Aucion  

Yesterday was a good day!  I managed to make it through on my calorie target and my workout target and I had NO BAD CARBS!  Yay me!  Hubby and I strapped the kids into the jogging stroller last night and even jogged a few minutes.  For those of you who have never jogged with a stroller, just fill a wheelbarrow with about 50 pounds of rocks, super glue your hands to handles and get running.  Oh - and no spilling the rocks, either.  It's not easy, is it?  I did teach my little guy to cheer for me though.  Especially on the hills.  It was great to hear a "GO MOM GO!" as I was about to give up.  It was not so great though when I noticed that he was putting his feet on the front tire, essentially acting a brake, as I was trying to keep up with my track star hubby.  Hopefully we'll be able to do it again tonight.


As I was running, I started feeling self conscience though.  I felt as if my whole neighborhood could see my fat cells and cellulite pulsing and jiggling and heaving up and down with my steps.  Some people make running look so easy.  If you take a look me running (especially behind a stroller) you would never even try to attempt it if you never had before for fear of suffering the fate as me as I strain and struggle to put one foot in front of the other in rapid succession.  My face alone tells a story of such agony and pain that perhaps I could have inspired even more tortuous works from Edgar Allen Poe or Steven King.


But then, I lightened up.  Since I came through my doctor's visit with flying colors, I have eased up on the sense of urgency to lose weight.  I'm healthy!  And yes, I'm excited about being able to put anything on in my closet and know it will look good, but I'm healthy.  I was becoming a little too obsessed with calorie counting - to the point that I was dreaming about food and waking up feeling guilty - that I had lost sight of my goal just to be healthy.  I forgot to stop and smell the roses.  I couldn't see the forest for the trees.  (See where I'm headed with this?)


I want to enjoy life - not calculate it. But there is a balance between the two.  I perceived myself to be unattractive because I'd gained a few pounds.  I perceived myself to be a failure because I didn't stay a perfect size 4.  I can't live like that.  I need to relax and enjoy the journey.  Weight loss shouldn't be a chore.  It should be something done with enthusiasm for the health it brings.  Energy begets energy.  Workouts should be some quality ME time that I take to ensure I'm taking care of myself well enough to take care of my family. 


And that's my new focus now as I continue to stay focused on keeping my health.