Letting Go of the Glory Days

Glory Days
Glory days, well they'll pass you by
Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, glory days...
And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days
- Bruce Springsteen


Just last year Ryan and I participated in the Triple Crown of running in Louisville.  The first race was a 5K. We finished at 30:55.  Two weeks later was the 10K.  We kept about the same pace.  And three weeks after that was the 10 miler.  We jogged the entire thing, even keeping the same pace through Iroquois Park!  We were fit.  My size 4's were so loose I needed a belt most of the time.  I ate well.  I worked out.  I could walk into my closet and knew that whatever I walked with was going to fit.

Glory days........

Well, I've told you the story of muffin toppin' over my jeans.  This morning after my workout, I jogged around the block and it was hard.  I kept looking for the end and wondering if I should take a shortcut back to my house.

Glory days, they'll pass you by.

When I first realized that I was a mere mortal after all and even though I had been very fit, I couldn't eat and drink whatever I wanted in addition to letting my workouts go un-done, I was frustrated.  The day my jeans didn't button comfortably, I made the decision to simply get back to my glory days and start working out again and go right back to eating what I was before that kept those jeans so comfortably loose (if only I could remember what that was).

So I headed downstairs at 6:30 a.m. (begrudgingly, griping, complaining, tired (and why was I tired??? I USED to be able to hop out of bed at 5:00 a.m. to workout with no problem!) and unfathomably unmotivated.)  I got on the treadmill and keyed up my warm up from my glory days.... and I could NOT keep up.  What was going on here????  I ran 10 miles before!  Uphill!  Both ways!!  In the snow!!  In a snowstorm!!  Barefoot!!!!!  (Okay, not really, but do you see where I'm going with this??)

I was pretty upset and have to tell you that I turned off the treadmill in disgust and tried my bike.  Had my equipment completely rusted out, making the wheel almost impossible to turn when just a short year ago it had been so easy??  That was enough of that I decided.  I tried the elliptical. No better.  Had the polarity of the earth gotten so knocked off balance that the smooth motion and rhythm of my stride had been halted forever????  I almost picked up some free weights before I thought better of that.  And thank goodness!  I probably would have opened up some portal to a strange parallel bizaro universe where it would forever and permanently be Opposite World.

So I went back upstairs, defeated and frustrated and confused.  I was almost tempted to douse myself with water so Ryan believed that I worked up a sweat working out!  Why was it so hard to do the things I used?  I mean, I know after I had Riley and Boo it took a little while to get in shape but they were almost 4 and almost 3 now!  I was active!  I chased after them all day and took care of the house and made dinner and helped Ryan with home improvements and all that other stuff we did.  What happened?

I hate to admit this, but it was a few days before I tried working out again.  I was thinking that if I just did better eating, then it wouldn't be so hard to workout.  Well, the same thing happened.  I tried a couple days later, making lofty goals of 45 minutes on the treadmill and 20 minutes with weights.  After 10 minutes, I was done and in mental anguish.

It took a couple more days (and lots of prayers) for me to realize that I'm not that person I was anymore.  Furthermore, I shouldn't want to be that person.  I had to let that person go.  That person didn't stay true to herself (or her jeans either).  That person gave up good habits and the drive to be better in exchange for complacency and laziness.

I started all over and made small attainable goals.  Making a goal of 15 minutes on the treadmill and staying on 20 is a much better accomplishment than making a goal of 45 and staying on for 20 in my book.  I'd rather be excited enough about reaching one goal to continue making more than to be frustrated with failure and give up all together.

My strength I know will return.  I don't discount or downplay my achievements of before, but I will not use them as a yardstick now.  I revel in the small things and know that as my accomplishments get bigger, my waist will eventually get smaller.